Saturday, February 24, 2007

Parents! Pay Attention!

I like to scan around on the internet. I read my local newspapers online and I also read CNN online.

Growing Alarm Over Hallucinogenic Herb

There's growing alarm about an herb that teenagers are trying.
The herb makes them hallucinate. It's been compared to acid and LSD. It is legal in some states.
It's called Salvia. It's being marketed to teenagers. Teens who used it have stated that it's so easy to get. One teenager even stated that it's something that you smoke and it will make you hallucinate. The hallucinate is so strong that you would have to ask people what you did after smoking it.
Salvia Divinorum is an herb in the mint family.
Within minutes outside of a high school users were found with this drug.
Salvia has been banned in some states.
Teens have reported that it is easy to find. They are finding it on the Internet and at smoke shops. Nutrition shops carry Salvia also.
It does in some instances create some violent behavior and some hallucinations that could cause harm kids.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Therapeutic Foster Home

My first impression of a Therapeutic Foster Home is that same impression that I have today. What a joke. Someone sits on their (you know what) and collects over $1000 a month just to have a child in their home that needs a little extra care. Oh yes, I am sure that there are some wonderful Therapeutic Foster Homes, but the one that I am dealing with is such a joke.

If you read my last post, you may remember that the 11 year old came to our house this weekend with 650 sentences to write. When I took him back to his foster home today, his foster mom did not say hello or how was your weekend or anything that kind. She immediately ask him about his sentences. I ask him to give them to her and I spoke for him, saying that he got all of them completed. I did not tell her how long it took or any of the information about getting him to complete them. She then ask him where he got a DVD from. He was very defensive and would not tell her. I ask him to sit with me and tell her what he had told my husband and I. He admitted taking the DVD and where he took it from. She immediately started in on what other punishment (besides sentences that were completed) that he would have to do. She has given him 2 other punishments for that, on top of the sentences. Now he will have 3 punishments for taking a DVD.

I don't believe that is Therapeutic. I believe that is beating him down so that he will never see any accomplishment. Now he will have to listen to his Therapist about the same issue. So he will have to go through it all over again.

I am just finding this unreal and beyond my wildest imagination.

Sunday, February 18, 2007


I put the title on this post for several reason.
1. One of the children is extremely defiant.
2. To ask my readers for help in dealing with a defiant child.

I sometimes feel at a lose for words. Well, not really. LOL I can think of several thinks to say really fast, however, they are not necessarily the proper thing to say. As a young child my parents taught me right from wrong and that included holding my tongue if my words were not appropriate. I especially knew that if words flew out of my mouth that were inappropriate toward my parents that I was really in deep (you know what).
Of course I tested my parents. What child doesn't test their parents? How does a child know the limits if they don't test? This is expected from a child. But I knew when to stop.

As I have said before, we are trying to adopt 3 children. They are brothers. Right now they are living in different foster homes. The oldest and the youngest living in the same foster home and the middle one living in a theraputic foster home. They only get to see each other and play together when they come to our house for their weekend stayover. Of course they are all excited because they haven't seen each other or us for 2 weeks. Well let me tell you about this weekend stayover.

This weekend stayover...
We were able to pick the middle boy up on Thursday evening. Anything that is not completed at his theraputic foster home, such as sentences to write, homework or reading assignments etc... now comes to our house. In other words he gets in trouble and has 100 sentences to write and he does not do them because he says "I will not do them" etc... Now we have to try to get him to do these things. His theraputic foster mom and his councelor have decided that he should not get to play with his brothers or watch movies or fishing or whatever (that is fun) during his visit with us. I say "What a crock". But not in front of him. Oh no - I am jumping through the hoops as far and as fast as I can jump. I say "I" but really I mean "us". All of us. Sad but true. Holding my tongue or biting it or whatever you wanna call it. LOL

So this weekend stayover he had 650 sentences to write. 650 - I just wanted to make sure that you saw that. He got 100 to begin with for yelling at her and then he said he was not going to do them and she added more. Then he said he didn't give a sh** and he got more. He is 11 years old. What does she expect? So she just kept adding them on and finally he starts to think that there is so many that he will never get them all done. It was a long 2 days here, trying to get him to do his assignments that she gave him. In some ways, I think it may just be her way to have control over him, no matter where he is at. And I would like to say to her that she may have control now, but it will not be forever.

The long 2 days here - At first he wrote some of his sentences. Then it all began...
He started being defiant toward us. Refusing to do them, cussing, saying things that just came to his mind. And more...
We talked and talked and talked some more. It seemed as though nothing was going to work. He was given a break for 1 hour to go out and play if he promised that he would write when he was done playing. That worked for about 15 minutes. Then we were listening to things from him again and again. He slept a lot because if he would not write he was sent to his room. Friday morning he woke and was ready to write. It seems like he wrote forever and still did not get done. He saw no accomplishment.
Friday evening we picked up his brothers and had dinner and he once again refused to write. He wanted to play but was not allowed. Off to bed early and up on Saturday morning ready to write again. Again he wrote and wrote and he still saw no accomplish. During this whole time he would write and then he was cussing. It was a routine that accomplished nothing. Nothing for him and nothing for us.
Finally - I have no idea what happened but something did. Maybe it was us, maybe it was him. I know that during his defiant time we would try to talk to him. We would try to encourage him and let him know that we still cared for him. Maybe, just maybe, he believed us. I don't know what happened or how it happened. I just know that I am so relieved that it did happen.
He started writting and before he knew it - he was done. Yes! Finally!

I sometimes think that so much time is lost and so much effort is put forth. But on the other hand, I know that without the time and effort, that nothing would ever change.

Saturday afternoon and Sunday (all day) was so much fun with all 3 of the boys. All 3 playing with each other and hanging around us and so on... The picture of how a family should be.

We get to keep them until Monday mid day. Our case worker is coming on Monday to talk to us and the boys, she wants to see the environment that they will be in. Of course this is part of the process. Just another of the hoops. But this one is easy. And yes, Monday is a work day for us, so everything has to be done on a schedule and so on...

All of the boys are still wanting to be with us and be adopted by us. They don't want to return to their foster homes. They laugh here and get into a lot less trouble.

The oldest and the youngest are not showing defiance. Both of them openly talk about their past situation with their biological parents. The middle one just won't open up about the biological parents. I believe he has built up anger and he just isn't sure where to exert that anger or how to exert it. If only we could take it all away and make it all better... I think in time that we can make a difference. I think that we can build some really wonderful memories for all 3 children.

We believe in these boys and we are really glad that they have came into our lives.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Myth of the Teenager

Teenagers are Youths Orphaned by their own Parents. Sad but true! This article is another suggested read. It may help to explain some things that you may be experiencing or have experienced about your teen or another teen.

While the growing-up process is inevitable, natural, and God-given, the process of children turning into Teenagers is not. The Teenager was invented, fashioned, permitted -- let loose you might say -- by the generation of our parents and grandparents. Discovering that may help us to raise our children differently.

This article and other articles are available for you to read at Homeschool World

Home Where They Belong

The Old Schoolhouse® Magazine is for homeschooling families everywhere. This magazine is like a convention in a journal! It doesn't stereotype homeschooling families or even homeschooling itself. Whether you have one child or ten, whether you are just at the beginning of your journey or are nearing the finish line, you'll find something in this magazine that encourages you! Subscribe TODAY and receive 19 FREE learning gifts - postage paid!

Home School Help

If you have any interest in Home Schooling, or if you already Home School and need a little extra help, this may be the place to start.
A few things you may want to think about are Safety Benefits, Less Exposure to Alcohol and Drugs, Emotional Benefits and many more...
Mary Pride has a wonderful article that you may consider reading.

There are tons of information in the Articles section.

Sunday, February 11, 2007

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These products give you a great shimmer and sparkle. We have a wide variety of colors perfect for young ladies.

Friday, February 09, 2007

Hoops To Jump Through

Of course I haven't updated about our adoption process. I have been extremely busy. Remember there are jobs to go to everyday, critters to be fed, stalls to be cleaned, laundry, cooking, dishes and so on and so on...

Our last weekend visit was a challenging one. All parents know just what I mean. LOL The weather would just not cooperate with us for the boys to have very much outside time.

For some reason their manners just didn't get packed. They had a hard time sitting still. They would forget that we require them to say "yes sir" and so on. They wanted to play outside games inside, such as wrestling. I also think that we (the adults) may have been irritated from jumping through hoops.

There seems to be a battle with one of the foster parents and a mentor. The 11 year old is in a separate home. He is in a therapeutic home. I use that term extremely lightly! Every time we pick him up from the foster home, the foster mom only has negative things to tell us about him. And she says it right in front of him.

On Thursday our case worker called to tell us that there was a problem with him coming for his visit. That the foster mom said that he had gotten in trouble at school and on the bus and that she just didn't think that she was going to let him come for his weekend stayover. Oh yeah - you might want to sit down for the rest of this. It is mind boggling!
Bless our case worker! She deals with all of this with the foster parent, the mentor and her supervisor. With a lot of emails and phone calls she arranges for us to pick him up on Friday and tells me that if there is any problems when we pick him up to please call her and she will come to the foster home and assist us. Picking him up was not a problem (thank goodness). But the foster parent would not let him take any of his toys, because he was not allowed to play - blah, blah, blah...

Fast forward to Thursday the 9th. Because of our work schedules we have not been able to call the boys during the calling hours. So finally tonight around 5:30 we are able to call. We decided to call the middle one first. I called the foster home and I was informed that he was not allowed to talk to me because he refused to do his homework or his spelling words. Can you believe this? Well neither could I. I was told by the foster parent that I would have to speak to his mentor. At this point I called our case worker and she gave me the mentors phone number. I called and left a message for him to call me back. He did - after about 20 minutes. I was so upset that I could not talk to him. My husband did talk to him and he refused to give permission for us to talk to him. We explained our work schedules and he still refused.

Will someone please tell me or explain to me how in the world this child or this sibling group will ever be adopted if this is continued to be allowed to happen?!
Our case worker is not happy about this activity and she is completely on our side and the children's side. I give her a 10 out of 10 for doing the best that she can. She is wonderful! She is addressing all of these issues and trying to move the process along.

Our weekend
We picked them up on Friday, Feb 2nd and brought them straight to our house. We made dinner together and had a sit down dinner where we all talked and laughed. After dinner we all settled down for a movie. Off to bed and ready for Saturday morning.

Saturday - we went to my Father in Laws house, where my husband worked on our new vehicle. He had to order an exhaust system and he installed it on Saturday. My husband has a really neat workshop with some really awesome tools. It was certainly a hilarious site when I walked into the shop to check on everyone and I saw 4 sets of legs (from the knees down) sticking out from under the truck. I could hear them all talking and my husband giving directions on which way to turn the bolts. "Righty tighty, Lefty loosie", he was saying. I just had to giggle to myself.
The 2 youngest boys would have to take a break and run outside to play. The temperature was around 50 degrees and I caught them playing without jackets and somehow they had managed to run out of their shoes. I would have been freezing. I finally had them put their shoes and jackets on to play, explaining to them that I didn't want them to get sick.
They would run back into the shop to check things out and then back out to play again.

On the drive home, we playing thinking games and I had them begging for more. It was fun and they loved it. Before we got home they fell asleep. They youngest one went right to bed once we got inside and the the other 2 waited for supper and then they were off to bed. They were exhausted.

Sunday - up for breakfast of pancakes. We stayed inside most of the morning because it was just too cold outside. We had to return them to their foster homes Sunday afternoon. It is more difficult to take the boys to their foster homes each time. It is difficult for me to hold back the tears. But I hang on to the idea and knowing that this is not forever.