Thursday, September 27, 2012


Sometimes I think that things can be a lot better than what they are.  Sometimes I know that things can be better than what they are.  Sometimes...I know that I don't live in a perfect world. 
Ok, you got me...All the time, I know that I don't live in a perfect world.

Now what brings me to this whole perfect world thing is this...Two people say we need to compromise, come to a mutual agreement.  Those two people sit and talk and one of them says that the other can just make the decision because the other one will come back and blame them.  Gosh this is difficult to put into words. after a few minutes, one person keeps asking the other one to be involved and then the other person starts to speak up.  When that person starts to speak up, they make the other person aware that it may upset them.  Yeah - you know what's gonna happen don't you?  I have an idea - let me do it a different way.

Person 1:  So what is your idea of a discipline for taking the butter?
Person 2:  I don't have any ideas, I think that you should handle it.
Person 1:  It won't work if we don't co-parent.
Person 2:  And if I discuss this, you will only come back and blame me and say that you didn't agree to that.
Person 1:  I never do that and we really need to come to a conclusion and move forward.
Person 2:  I really prefer that you handle it and that way it can't come back and bite me in the butt.
Person 1:  I can tell that you have something to say.
Person 2:  I think it is best if I just keep that to myself.
Person 1:  It will never work if we can't co-parent and come to a compromise.
Person 2:  Ok - but it's going to piss you off.
Person 1:  No it won't.
Person 2:  I believe that he need to be disciplined for taking the butter.  He has gotten away with it far too long.
Person 1:  I don't disagree with that.  What are some of your ideas?
Person 2:  Well you originally said that you were considering making him pay for the butter even after he returned it.
Person 1:  Yes and we talked about an apology letter and apologizing in person.
Person 2:  Yes but none of that has happened and you haven't followed up with any of that.
Person 1:  Things happened and it kinda got lost in the other things.
Person 2:  Well I think that making him pay for the butter isn't going to hit home with him and I think that taking the driving class away from him will make more of an impact.  Driving is a privilege not a right.  He hasn't earned the privilege to take the class.
Person 1:  Yes, I can see that.
Person 2:  So what do you think?  Do you think that he should loose the driving class as his discipline?
Person 1:  Yes, I will go and talk to him about it.

Now - I ask you, the reader...Was a compromise reached?


Noun:  An agreement or a settlement of a dispute that is reached by each side making concessions. Verb:  Settle a dispute by mutual concession.  Synonyms:
noun.  agreement - accommodation - settlement - conciliation
verb.  come to terms

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Do you wonder

Do you wonder why I am go to Anger Management?  Well there may come a day when I tell you, however; today just isn't that day.
Yesterday I cleaned out the nesting boxes on the chicken house and I detangled the horses mains.  Today I am going to work on their dreadlock tails.  I can't wait to tackle that job!  LOL  Just kiddin!
Actually I really do enjoy it.  It would be much better if...I wouldn't let it get so bad.  Ok - we all know that life happens.  Boy I tell ya, my life has certainly happened!  It's been on one of those 200 mph trains.  Sometimes it hits a brick wall and sometimes it goes right through the thickest steel wall.  And...It is what it is!
And I am also in the cooking mood.  I think that's because the weather is a little cooler and the air is a little crisper.  I soooooo love the crisp air! 
And with that said - I am off to the kitchen!

Sunday, September 23, 2012

Anger Management week 1

Where do I begin?  It's actually kinda funny because I checked in a few minutes early and I sat in the waiting room.  My meeting was supposed to start at 11.  About 10:55 the therapist walked in the waiting room and then he went back in the back of the building.  Kinda like he was going to his office.  So I sat and waited a bit more.  About 25 minutes passed and I just started texting friends.  I told one of my friends that I had it all figured out...They make you wait in the waiting room until you are pissed off and then they take you in for anger management.  LOL
About 11:30 the therapist came out and sat down beside me and it was actually funny because he thought I was there for something else.  He apologized and we laughed about it and I ask him if they leave the students waiting long enough the get mad and that is how the anger management works.  He kinda chuckled and said no.  And then we went to the class.
So...I did 30 minutes with the therapist and one student and then I had about 30 minutes with just the therapist. 
One friend (Rhonda) said that she imagine a bunch of people in a class and they were all trying to piss each other off.  I just had to giggle at that one!
Anger Management is about finding an alternative way to think and that helps control our anger.

So...all in all my class was good.  I have moments that I break down and cry because the hurt and pain goes soooooo deep!  But don't worry - it's all good and I am counting it all joy!  Anytime that we can better ourselves then more power to us!

I took the following from this link...

What is the goal of Anger Management?
The goal of anger management is to learn how to react to situations in an assertive manner, which allows you to stand up for yourself, and to be able to communicate you concerns or needs without threatening, intimidating or violating the rights of others.  This usually involves learning to control that instinctual fight or flight reaction and learning to communicate your limits, needs, feelings and concerns in a constructive way.

Redman - I will miss you

At 4:50am, Ellie woke me up barking.  I got up to see if she just needed to go potty and she bolted out the back door and charged to the left of the little walk through gate for the barn.  I heard a horse whinnying so I wanted to shine the flashlight.  I shined the light and saw lots of horse eyes and I thought I best check a little better.  So I called Ellie inside, got dressed and went outside.  I saw all of my horses and the neighbors 2 horses.  But there was still a horse whinnying.  So I checked better.  It was Redman that was whinnying.  I watched him for a few seconds and I saw that he was kinda staggering.  I knew instantly it wasn't good.  I called the vet at 4:55am and she was here at 5:59am.  She called about 2 minutes before she arrived to let me know she was close and I told her that Redman was already laying on the ground.  When she got here she took out a stethoscope and a vial to draw blood.  We walked over to him and he was already gone.  I am so thankful that he didn't suffer.
The vet gave me a phone number to a man that buries horses and I called him and he was here at 7:37am.  He was very nice and showed concern and empathy.  He buried Redman in the corner where he liked to stand.  I have a piece of mane and a piece of tail.
The vet took blood and she said that it sounds like encephalitis (west nile).  I have to get the other horses vaccinated now.  I should have already vaccinated them but they sometimes still get the virus.  It's just something that happens.  So...that is my first three and a half hours of the day.
There is no doubt that I will miss you my big handsome boy with molasses on your nose and happy as can be.  I will always remember how you would run to and hug a new roll of hay!

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Anger Management

Some of you may know and some of you may not know...Today I have my very first EVER anger management class.  Yeah!  Imagine that!  I honestly feel so demeaned!  And to tell you how I got to this point in my life is not something that I am really ready to put here.  I think mainly because it would take waaayyy too long to type it all up day I will sit down and see what I can put together.  If you read my previous post you will certainly have a better idea of the issues at hand. 
And...with that said...I am on my way out the door and I will let you all know how it went and what to expect if it ever happens to you.

Absent Spouse Syndrome

 “Peter, Peter Pumpkin Eater had a wife, but couldn't keep her.
Put her in a pumpkin shell and there he kept her very well.”
By Pastor Debby Bentch
Absent Spouse Syndrome
Over the course of the past few years, I have identified an affliction in marriages that I have come to call Absent Spouse Syndrome. 
Often, the first indication that a pastor or counselor receives that makes him or her aware of a serious problem in a particular marriage, is a call from a desperate husband who wants to know if he and his wife can come in for counseling. At this point the wife is, most often, not interested in talking to you or to anyone else, although the husband may still be able to coerce her into a “one time” visit.
If she does keep the appointment, the first thing you will probably notice about her is a very cold and hardened demeanor. If at all possible, she will sit as far away from her husband as she can possibly get, with her arms folded in front of her. Her face is devoid of emotion, although you may sense or detect an underlying element of anger or a seething rage. As well, she may be completely uninterested in even talking to you, let alone sharing her feelings or problems. Her answers to your questions will be short, calculated and cynical.
Her husband, on the other hand, is ready to “spill his guts.” He appears to be willing to do anything to save his floundering marriage. He is desperate to do “whatever” it takes. He may confess to any number of “sins” or shortcomings that have contributed to the crisis in his marriage. He will, more than likely, confess to indifference and a variety of addictions, all of which he is more than willing to address and for which he is extremely repentant. He is obviously distressed and desperate to the point of pleading and begging. “Pitiful” would describe him well, at this point.
However, upon further investigation, you come to learn “the rest of the story.” It will probably go something like this...This couple has been married for 10-20 years, although I have observed some who have been married for far fewer years. For most of their married life the wife has not been satisfied or happy with the quality of the marital relationship. She may feel alone most of the time, even when he is there. She tries to talk to him and to share her feelings and concerns with him. She has, more than likely, read books on relationships, or watched appropriate programs or sought advice and counsel from others. She may plead with her husband to go with her for marriage counseling or to talk to the pastor.
And for years, her requests, her concerns and her pleadings are met with indifference and apathy. “We don't have any problems.” Or “I don't have a problem and I don't need counseling.” Or “If you have a problem, you get counseling.” As the years go by, the husband continues to be “absent” from his wife spiritually, emotionally and, sometimes, even physically.
Eventually, the wife begins to “build a wall around herself.” Brick-by-brick, one painful experience after another, year-after-year she builds a wall that is meant to protect her from the man she used to love with all of her heart. She has come to realize that, if he is not going to get help and if things are never going to change, he will only continue to hurt her and she is desperate to protect herself from any further pain. A sense of helplessness and hopelessness compels her to become indifferent towards him. She begins to close down emotionally. She becomes adrift spiritually, after all, “Where is God in all of this?” “Why hasn't he answered my prayers? Does He really even care?”
Finally, something happens. The husband makes a most critical error, one too many careless and thoughtless mistakes and it becomes “the last straw.” She is through. It is over. There will be no turning back. 
By the time this couple reaches your office, the “divorce” is already well under way. She has already divorced him spiritually. She has divorced herself from him emotionally. She has probably divorced herself from him physically and she may have already become involved with someone who is more than willing to meet her emotional and physical needs.
At one time, the husband had all the control and the wife had none. Now, she is in complete control and he finds himself desperate to undo years of apathy and neglect, but it is too late. In his desperation, this husband, who has now admitted to the fact that he is “willing to do anything” to save his marriage and may very well be trying to change some of his behaviors, is totally clueless as to why it just isn't working. “Why won't she forgive me?” “Why won't she try to save our marriage?” “Why won't she give me another chance? Doesn't she now how serious I am?” “How can she just give up on our marriage like this?”
At the same time, he begins to smother her with attention, hence the term, “Peter, Peter, Pumpkin Eater.” Now, he wants to talk. Now, he wants to meet her physical and emotional needs. Now, he is ready to get serious about a relationship with the Lord. Now, it is too late. 
His smothering presence only tends to push her farther away. His efforts to gain support from family and friends, by showing his changed behavior and his willingness to get counseling, only angers her more. She has heard it all before. When his willingness to share all of her shortcomings and focus attention away from his own responsibility and onto his wife’s, overshadows his willingness to address his own issues, a few more bricks “hit the fan” and fall into place. His attempts to “corral” her are a waste of time and effort. She has now become the Absent Spouse.
Is there hope for this marriage? In my experience, nothing short of a divine act of God will save this one! So what can we, as pastors and counselors, do?
  • When a wife tells you there are problems in a marriage, you better pay attention.     
  • When a husband tells you there are problems in a marriage, it is probably too late.
  • Pray for the marriages in your congregation.
  • Provide adequate pre-marital counseling.
  • Warn, counsel and teach your married couples in the early stages of marriage.
  • Learn to detect the tale-tale signs of a neglected marriage.
  • Listen to the women in your congregation who come to you for counsel. 
  • When it happens, help him to pick of the pieces of his life, to grow in His relationship with the Lord, to be a good father to his children and to live the rest of his life for the glory of God. 
I have requested permission to post this article, however; I have not heard anything at this current time.  If you are the owner of this article and wish that I remove it, please contact me and I will promptly abide your request. 
I give full credit to Pastor Debby Bentch at