Saturday, March 24, 2007

Oh My Goodness

Ok, now for the latest updates. Let me start by saying how much I appreciated my parents before and how much more I appreciate my parents now. I love my parents dearly. There really are not enough words for me to express my love, appreciation and respect for my mom and dad. My dad is in heaven and will forever remain in my heart. He was my best friend! My mom is wonderful, she is 70 years old and still so alive. She is very independant and I admire her for every day that she has been in my life.

Now for the Oh My Goodness part!

Tuesday - Off to the foster homes of our 3 boys. We pulled a trailer to pick up anything and everything that they had. Yes I mean everything! It took us half a day to load clothes, toys and well just stuff from 2 foster homes. Of course the wicked foster mom didn't want to cooperate at first. But you probably expected that. But soon enough she just gave in and knew it was over.
With every thing loaded on the trailer we took off down the road. Yes, we kinda looked like the Clampets from the Beverly Hillbillys. I had the kids in the vehicle with me and we followed behind my husband that was pulling the trailer. There were times that he would get ahead of me because of traffic and then we had to catch up. When we did catch up, the kids were so excited and say "There's Superman". As you know, I call my husband Superman. In my cell phone his caller ID is just that "Superman". The kids get a kick out of that.
We all got home safely with giggles pouring out of the boys. My husband and I are exhausted at this point but the boys are all fired up and ready to go. By the end of the day we managed to get the trailer unloaded. Now our living room looks like...hmmmm...well like there was a bomb dropped at the Salvation Army. LOL

Wednesday - Did I mention that the kids had the giggles? Well they did! My husband went to his dad's today to sort through some tools. Just a little inventory that he had to do.
The boys are now doing their own breakfast, which is really wonderful. Up out of bed, breakfast done and a few chores (teeth brushed, bed made, room straightened). We have to go slow. Well I didn't go slow. I tried to do too much with the explosion in my living room. I thought the boys could handle it. The boys wanted to go through all of their things. I wanted them to just start with one box and organize. I had 2 boxes labeled for maybe keep and yard sale. The oldest did really well working this way. The youngest, well he just got tired. But he was a trooper. The middle boy was just...well...defiant. I don't wear any of those he told me. So we had a little discussion about why and so on...One thing lead to another and I became overwhelmed. I really didn't know it then but I sure know it now. I think he managed to keep enough to just get by on.
The oldest was in his room putting things away and straightening everything so I just sent the others out to play. I just gave us all a break from each other and the decision making.

I don't even remember how it happened but somehow they all ended up back inside and under my feet. LOL I love that term. The middle boy got upset and I sent him to his room. On his way to his room he started mouthing and cussing at me. Words that should never come out of an 11 year olds mouth. Words that an 11 year old should never have had used on him. I know where these words came from, they came from the adults that abused him. Not only did the words just fly out of his mouth, but he started hitting his head on the wall and hitting his face with his fist. Ok - the words are just that. They are words. I do not take them personal and they do not offend me. The kid has to vent. Yes, I know that he needs to find other ways to vent and we are working on that with him. But the injuries to himself must be monitored. I would walk in the room and he would stop hurting himself, I would walk out of the room and they began again. It was an awful 15 to 20 minutes! Somehow it seemed like forever. Instead of just sitting in his room, I would take a few clothes or something, just acting like I was straightening things up. Not like I was just spying or watching him.

I felt like things were starting to calm down so I sat down in my recliner in hearing distance of his room. Actually if I were to turn and look over my shoulder I can see in his bedroom. After a few minutes of me trying to keep myself together this is how it went.
him: "Ms Alta"
me: "Yes, (and his name)"
him: "I am really sorry". He has never apologized like this before. NEVER!
me: "Would you like for me to come in your room and us talk about it"
him: "Yes mam".
I went to his room, closed the door and sat on the floor, he was still on his bed. I ask him if he would like to sit on the floor with me. He did! He sat right next to me and leaned a little on me. I put my arm around him and he just started talking. He said that he just thinks about his mom and he gets so mad. Did I mention that he was crying? I have never seen him cry before. And yes, I started crying too. We talked, hugged and cried for about 3 or 4 minutes. Ok, it's over. Done with. No sentences, no restriction...blah, blah, blah. Move on.

Every night when they go to bed we tell them goodnight and sweet dreams. About 2 weeks ago I started saying I love you. I don't expect to hear an I love you too. Not at this point. But that is the last words that I say to them as I am walking out of their rooms. Just kinda leaving them with that. Well - tonight when I told them that this is what I heard from the middle boy..."I love you too Ms Alta". My heart almost stopped! I have heard this every night since then. I don't know what happened, all I know is that something happened. Somehow we broke a barrier.

Thursday - We had a party to go to at the middle boys school that he was leaving. His teacher was great and so were the kids. They all had made him going away cards. They had drawn pictures and put their names on them and some things like "you are my best friend" and so on. It was really nice. We went as a family - all 5 of us - he introduced us all to his friends and said that we are his parents. We had cake and talked as a group and then we went out to the play ground for about 30 minutes. Of course the class had to go back in for their school work and we had to leave. We all had a wonderful time!

Friday - I forgot to mention that Wednesday and Thursday we spent getting the boys registered into their new schools.
Today the oldest boy started school. Can you believe this was my very first time putting a child of mine in school. I thought I was going to cry! He had a great day at school and is very much ready and excited to go back on Monday.
The other 2 boys hung out with me today. We went grocery shopping and they were such a great help. They even shared pushing the buggy and reading from the grocery list. They are learning without even knowing. I love that!


karisma said...

When I started reading this post about your middle boy, I was all ready to give you some good advice, but as I read on I seen that you didnt need it! You are a great mama already. You did everything exactly how I would have. As a mum of 5, three of which are now teens, I know how trialling they can be. Just keep giving him lots of love, hugs and space when he needs it. Ignore the language as much as possible and just lead by example. I know its hard sometimes but they are generally just trying to shock you. When he sees that your love is not going to abandon him you will be rewarded with the most unconditional love you have ever known. All kids need love and a family and Im so happy for you, superman and the boys. May your lives be blessed with a very happy future. Never give up on them.

Alta aka k9 said...

I love to hear from moms like you! I know what these boys have been through and it is horrible. A child should never be told by a parent that I am going to kill you. That is horrible. A child should never be cussed and called every vulgar word that the adult can think of. I know where these words came from and they are only words. Some people think that they have to use vulgar language to make a point. Once a person (adult or child) learns how to express themselves in a certain way then that is the way that they use. This is my belief and my experience in my 45 years on earth. The language was certainly not my concern. Him harming himself was my concern, which I am sure that you can understand this. Children seek attention. Regardless of the type of attention. By type, I mean negative and positive. If I ignore the negative words then there is no negative attention. If I react to the positive then there is positive attention.

Thank you again for all you blessings,